Day Ninety-six

I ate almost to bursting today. It is an old habit. Sitting is more difficult when I am this full, but not impossible. Old ways of balancing no longer work so well. I used to eat too much and then exercise too much, but my body is not as pliable. Sitting is an interesting habit; I can do more of it and it never feels excessive. It may for some I suppose, you know a feeling that the world in general is not rewarding and sitting is and so some kind of imbalance arises between the two.

Whatever wraps around the liberation that comes from sitting is very very subtle sometimes. There is such freedom in being with whatever there is and then we contrast it and it is no longer in the moment. It only works in the moment and it is always different.

Sitting works with a full stomach and it works with frustration and it works with interruptions and it works when it is noticing all of these things. Meditation is made of noticing and ignorance is made of non-noticing. I sit with some balance and wait patiently for more balance to settle in. Balance has no definition but for its relation to other things; in other words, I can't really be 'balanced' with myself without working with my attachments and hindrances and so on. Balance is only in the moment as well, but I could get a lot more practiced with it.

I am thankful for the light that brings me Jeanne and my children, my family and friends, kitty, and every change.