Day Eighty-three

Looking at what is there. The stone is there. Also, tiredness, sadness, and great joy. I watch and tiredness has aspects of restlessness and doubt. I embrace them and they fade. Tiredness, too then fades. Sadness is there, and it is of the past and present, my memories and my worries are there. I hold the stone. It is not in the past although I have other memories of it. I too am no longer in the past. I sit with my worries and sadness of the past and let go of what I cannot change. Stones may not get sad, but they change; they crack and they become other things. I am what I am because of the past.

I wonder if I can choose my emotions, as if they were something I am far enough away from to not get led around by. I tend to think there is only distance and suffering from my emotions, but that is not true. Real closeness to them lets me have the only choices I truly have, to be me with them.

The stone was a gift of love and kindness, joy and a little sadness. It is well balanced; I leave my touch of it tonight to stay with the love in my world, with more of me, more closeness, less wanting.