Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Day Eighty

I often think I cannot let go of problems and troublesome thoughts or physical pains until they are gone. But that's not really practice, that's just hallucinating again, holding on to wishes that things be different. Letting be might be a healthier way to phrase the beginning of working with problems.

All things appear at first to be in concert with my mood, with my own sense of trouble or calm. Later, all things appear sort of pointless, but that is my mood of doubt, when things start to run down and run out when they are looked at; combined with a low energy state and or an underlying problem I've pushed down instead of truly letting be.

I notice golden beads coming toward me on light rays from the candle. They are not really there. But all of my experience comes to me that way, none of it is very substantial. Reality is never made of what it looks like, but at least I get paid for my hallucinations at work, and they drive me to the supermarket.

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