Touching the stone. Wondering how much of touching the stone I pull up into thought. Trying to keep with just the sensation of touching. Yet thoughts of being with vs not really being with occur, and thoughts of whether or not thinking is less real than touching. The former, doubts. The latter, a kind of curiosity; too often I second guess myself on insight. I say "I observed that and so what", and yet, if I notice that my thought is not confined to grasping or avoiding, then I have to say that it is at least some reflection of liberation.
It feels that in the realm of thought, doubt is a natural balance to realization. For me, doubt arises when I am quiet. Biologically it is a rare time that I am not ensuring my satisfaction or safety and so doubt can be a good sign. Doubt feels like restlessness in my body, some place I want to go away from. I stay with it and I can touch the stone for what it is. I can touch thought in the same way, as though a fully touched thought is alright, just a pleasant or unpleasant thought, just a thought relative to one of two things: craving or liberation. Also, noticing that thoughts reduce substantially in number when I don't wrap around them, don't follow them, don't run after those thoughts that represent something that is not real.
Touching the stone is mostly an exercise in thoughts, but some of them, at least, are liberating, in touch with the way things are.
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