Doubt often feels like not being in touch with anything. It feels like having no grounding. But when I touch the stone I remember that I am always in touch. It may not be in touch as I like, but there is wisdom in just knowing that I am always making a choice about my reaction to feeling; in other words, doubt for me is often a kind of confirmation of feeling like I can't do it, can't meditate, not able to deal with anxiety, not able to control restlessness in the body, not being able to be in touch.
So I am looking to confirm the unable, offbalance feeling that I do in fact have. You'd think I would want the opposite, which I do, but therein lies the problem also; I split everything into sureness and unsureness; the known and the unknown. Once that happens, I must try with all my might to hold onto the known. Of course I feel my fingers slipping off, and that is left is me screaming "I'm not going into that doubt" which of course is exactly what doubt is made of.
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