Staying with or even going to the stone with attention is often a battle with something else my attention is pulled to. Often it is a sense of comfort I am running after. Some of those comforts are strange; thought patterns and fantasies where I am soothed or in control of something, or wild adventure.
Other times, like right now, there’s just a general restlessness. It manifests as a tight jaw, nervous fingers, fluttery chest. In my mind I feel like either fading into sleep or moving somewhere. Then some doubt. Now touching but trouble staying with it. I have a very general sense of imbalance or incompleteness. It is my mind wrapping around doubt. A little distance and I can see that. What I thought was blocking me is not that at all, it is not a foreign force of any kind. It is me and what I am holding on to.
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