Day Fifty-four

Touching the stone; I reflect that the stone does not have consciousness, but then I wonder if I do. It is something I take for granted. I know it is built out of conditions and so it is just another thing I have. What would I be without it? Well, not necessarily without it but without feeding it? Feeding or providing nutrition to my self concept is in fact my self concept. Not feeding it is a kind of doorway.

I had told myself I would just practice concentration and not look up stuff but I am compelled to do so. I am looking at the five Skandhas at http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/study/khandha.html. I see that they are form, feeling, perception, formation or volition, and consciousness. I also note that 'nutriment' or feeding any of these can happen. I am fascinated by the notion that I can feed form itself. Also, that consciousness is dependent on, or made of formation, moving toward, picking up, holding. I wonder more about what 'nutriment' is.

I hold the stone. I feel it neutrally. I perceive the feeling as stone-feeling. I pick up that perception instantly. That perception leans against something to make consciousness. They are all fed by ignorance. I am not sure if they fade when not fed, it is more likely that they are still there, simply not fed and therefore do not lead to clinging. All that does not lead to clinging and becoming must lead to understanding and liberation. The stone takes on new meaning. Form takes on an aspect of liberation. Form and sense base become feeling. Magically when left alone. Perception arises from past impressions.

But I am not sure of much of this. I touch the stone again. It is preparing to speak.