Day One Hundred Eighty Eight

Keeping in touch with the stone. It seems like it should be an easy thing to do, but it is hard to do without a reward. I think "oh I will watch tv after this", but that always makes it much harder. It is better for me to wait until concentration is deeper.

I find it hard to let go and return. I have to let go of extraneous thoughts and return to the qualities of touching. And I also must let go of those, because touching spawns an array of thoughts like "I'm not doing it right" or "I forget why I 'm doing this"... just a little doubt, I think.

Sometimes meditation is like any other very difficult thing; I have to persevere, not look so quickly for a result, remember why I am doing it without getting lost in the difficulty, to keep touching, and to know that this is concentration, this is where I am, this is real, and to identify that which is more and more real; the subsiding of doubt and hindrance, and coming closer to the understanding of conditions.