Day One Hundred and Nineteen

My teeth lengthen, my skin grows dry. I become more and more forgetful. None of this happens quickly, but when I am sick, I notice my age. I will die at the end of this process. I have choices with this knowledge; to deny, to accept, or to accept and utilize it. It cannot be denied. It can be accepted, but what is acceptance?

Certainly, nothing can be accepted which is not seen, and so acceptance followed by sleep is but denial. Acceptance of a single event, such as an interpersonal issue, can have a time bound by its ongoing effect. In other words, if I am frustrated, I can accept that, and can benefit from this choice over and over again as long as long as the frustration remains.

With death, there is always an effect. It is like moving from fall to winter, although it often has elements of winter to spring. We could say there is as much growing as dying and so there is balance, but I grasp at life. Neither grasping at life or death is balance. I shall not touch this stone for long. I touch it fully, with this impossible body.