Today, concentration brings a small sense of “uh-oh”, doubt, or ‘losing’ a stream of doing. I was sleeping or writing or thinking and I can’t do that when I’m concentrating.
I feel sleepiness, restlessness and dreaminess, but they can be seen from the vantage point of the stone. I don’t feel carried away by them. I recognize dreaminess as a quality of sleepiness in which I notice myself flitting from one sense feeling to another, a warm feeling in the body, a sense of colored light outside my eyelids, a vague thought of something pleasant. I notice myself ‘feeding’ off of these things, and actually not resting.
Being more awake at first feels ‘harder’ than dreaming or being carried away. But really, I’m letting go of something I’m getting that I don’t need, which has no inherent reality, no substance, and no long-term benefit. I experience non-concentration as the added, attached state, and concentration as more natural, although not without effort. Easy effort, letting go effort, a kind of effort that is combined with seeing and knowing.
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