When is my meditation intellectual vs. actual? I guess that's when I'm closer to being with whatever is. 'Arising' seems like an overused term, but to identify that things are compound, made of this plus that and never static in time or space, then it's ok I guess. To be awake with whatever is, to be of pure mind, is a puzzle, because I've an old tendency to contrast momentary insights with the 'junk' of my mind, and therefore be instantly in some idea of a better mind state.
The stone is a single point, or single enough, that touching it is the exercise of purity. All the while, my mind is pulling back to fiddling around with memories, dreams and reflections, but I return again and again to concentration. In so doing, I am engaging that grasping part of myself in an exercise of letting go. I cannot go to the stone without all of me, and yet, coming closer to bare touching, everything else releases, even thoughts of 'Why am I doing this?'
Closer, the stone and I are just about staying awake and nothing else. It is less and less and less to get lost in by letting go of each thing that comes to awareness, each thing to get lost in, until eventually, I am not lost any longer.
The stone is a single point, or single enough, that touching it is the exercise of purity. All the while, my mind is pulling back to fiddling around with memories, dreams and reflections, but I return again and again to concentration. In so doing, I am engaging that grasping part of myself in an exercise of letting go. I cannot go to the stone without all of me, and yet, coming closer to bare touching, everything else releases, even thoughts of 'Why am I doing this?'
Closer, the stone and I are just about staying awake and nothing else. It is less and less and less to get lost in by letting go of each thing that comes to awareness, each thing to get lost in, until eventually, I am not lost any longer.
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