Noticing how thoughts pull me. Staying with the sense of touching of the stone. Doing so, thoughts of the day interrupt me. To stay put, I rub the stone with my thumb. This leads to a dilemma in my mind about whether or not that's a legit way to stay with touching. Could be too much forcing, and in the end, I don't want another layer to struggle with, but it works for a bit. Then adding 'touching, touching' to bring me back. Noticing how that leads to a song about touching in my head, which leads through the same rhythm to a different song, which puts me in a particular place, which reminds me of an incident, which leads to feeling self-righteous about the incident and so on. Noticing that. How the voice of simple identification becomes the voice of criticism.
Touching unexpectedly leads to arm pain, lots of it. This leads to doubt today. Why the @#$% am I doing this? Time to reset the intention to concentrate for the purpose of training the mind to see what is beyond attachment.
First of all, it's just restlessness, a physical thing. This particular doubt is the energy of wanting to get away. There is a big gap when I accept that, as the doubt goes up in smoke, the smoke clears, and intentions of curiosity, perseverance, and focus remain. And there is silence.
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Hey,per the last paragraph, whatever gets you to that place is worth doing!
ReplyDeleteI've begun placing my stone just in front of my yoga mat during my home practice as a sort of spiritual (or visual) focal point. Each pose has its own "drishti" visual focal point, but the stone helps to emotionally ground me into the physical space of the room.
I'm finally seeing the comments. Thanks for yours. Yes, interesting that a stone could be emotionally grounding, but that makes plenty of sense given that almost anything can make us emotionally airborne.
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