I apologize to my stone. After almost a year of practice, I must give it a break. I have had much difficulty developing sustained concentration in this quiet environment and so I am moving to the breath alone. I will return to you, dear stone, when I have developed my concentration further.
I wonder if ignorance and wisdom are not in perfect balance. How would the Buddha have become enlightened otherwise?
I have trouble concentrating and I am trying to look for what is there. It is hard to see. Is it another thought, or feeling, or just some belief in self? I do feel deeper tightness below the surface, deeper feeling. It is like there is some fear, something protected that acts as a bridge between thoughts.
I look out the window and watch a spider climb up a daisy. It moves out of view and I want to see it return to view. My wondering has already built craving and clinging. I notice that clinging gets stronger with little webs of contact and feeling and craving built around it. Views, it seems, are these strongly reinforced patterns. Do we have real memory? Sure but it seems to be more like views that reinforce a belief in self than it does one continuous consciousness.
Noticing how things are brings joy, contentment and bliss. Perhaps it is the concentration inherent in the timeless awareness of things. It seems there is no time or space, just things that go by, like webs in the dew.
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