Day Two Hundred and Sixty two

B. Alan Wallace talks about how the mind, when concentrated, calms down. Further, how the breath as an object of concentration becomes more subtle, requiring increased vividness of attention. The stone also becomes more subtle, the feeling moves from distinct to very hard to find and I raise my energy level to stay with it.

I also notice more subtleties in how I interact with things. One such subtle relationship is how I quickly scan everything in the sitting area with all of my senses and a feeling registers of, not well being, but of OK vs something. In other words, I see that the items on the altar are in place, the sounds indicate an intact roof and floor, the bench feels in the right place, my body is not sick. These are all ways that I define myself as vs. something else. Noticing this, I stay with feeling and each sense begins to dissolve. This leads to great pleasure of the senses, having the base of concentration and some other, more direct and essential relationship with things, or at least a calliope ride on the way to a closer walk with reality.

I wonder how it would feel to have a new outlook permanently; one that is curious even to tiredness, doubt and worry. Ah but there I set myself up with a fantasy again, I paint what it looks like and drive myself mad trying to live in a painting. It is here that all falls apart, all comes together, where acceptance and effort live and breathe.